Well Kit has been on these great injectable drugs now for five months. His dose was increased two weeks ago. He's better, but he's not the boy we used to have. So many people tell us - wow what a great improvement... I know it is, but I WANT MORE. I want him to want to do something, to be active, to want to be with people, to enjoy his friends. He's had some great moments - over Easter he went to his friend Edward's house for a barbeque and they all had a great time. Reminisced, ate, laughed. I know that's good, but I WANT MORE. The day after I asked him how his weekend was and he said he had fun with his friends but he couldn't see the point in getting together with them. At Easter dinner with the whole family (very chaotic and noisy and busy) he pretty much withdrew - which is to be expected but... I WANT MORE. On Friday he said he would come for a walk with me and then watch Robyn ride, but Saturday morning he just wouldn't budge from his house. He did come over for dinner - and he biked over - yup - it's all good, but really...
I want his brain to work again like it used to. I want him to be fine. I want the F-ing voices to GO AWAY!!! I don't want to think of him spending the rest of his life just sitting in his room playing video games. Did I mention he bought himself an X-box 360 with his ODSP money? Well he did, that's a good thing cuz if he has lots of possessions then it's harder to move back on the street where you can't own anything... But what parent wants their kid to own a video console so they don't choose to be living in a shelter. ARGH! Yesterday he said he's playing it for about 12 hours a day. I don't know - is that good? bad? I have no idea.
On the other hand - these meds are such a dream because we don't have to worry about them in between shots. So far he hasn't had any side affects other than he's gained some weight and is lethargic. Lethargic - that's an understatement. He's finally getting sick of eating Ramen noodles so perhaps he will find another meal to eat... hopefully healthier. His birthday is next week - he wants a new amp for his guitar (yup - that's good too and we'll get it for him) and his Aunties will buy him stuff to cook with. More possessions... 23 years old. Wow - remember those years between 19 and 25? weren't they awesome for us? Too bad for Kit and all the others that mental illness strikes right when life should be the best. Sucks eh?
Anyhow - thanks for reading and for your support. We'd never get through this without our friends...
From my experience with my own son, properly handled, your son should become better than he was before he had his crisis, but it takes time and a lot of validation of him on the part of his family members. Focusing on the voices makes people feel like there is something wrong with them, when in fact, voices are there as guides. Celebrate your son's unique gifts, and validate, validate, validate.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rossa! I will remember that. Sometimes I just get frustrated with his lack of motivation and his total belief in his delusion that he has no control over himself. Sometimes I just want to kick his butt! I will try to make sure I do more validating. Thank you.
DeleteHow is your son?
Thanks for asking. My son is a wonderful young man of 28. It's taken a lot of validating on my part to help him get to this point. After his initial breakdown, he went through a necessary period of regression to childhood (infancy, really), which was hard for me to deal with because his former self was always so seemingly mature. I have utmost confidence that my son, like yours, will pass through this period, and will go on to enrich humanity. So much depends on our attitude to them.
ReplyDelete"and his total belief in his delusion that he has no control over himself."
ReplyDeleteYour son may be interested at some point in practicing meditation and yoga as a discipline.