Patience

Patience isn't something I have a lot of.  I think it must have been my mother who said to me over and over...  Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can; it's seldom found in women and never found in man.  So a lack of patience goes way back for me.


Dealing with mental illness demands a lot of patience.  I can't fix it, control it, do anything about it.   It just is.  If my kid had cancer I'd be able to find the best doctor, have the surgery, radiation, chemo, whatever it takes and from the start you know pretty much what the potential outcomes might be.  Cured, not cured, maybe it will come back.  But it's measurable and you can take action right away.  A young man I know was diagnosed with lymphoma and once the family knew what they were dealing with - and this happened relatively quickly, they could start treatment.  Fast.   The doctors knew exactly how to treat it. They'd seen it before, Chemo, radiation and now he's doing great and hopefully will remain cancer free forever.  I know not every story is like that - and that he is a fortunate young man to have gone through it so well, but for those that don't you still at least know what it is and what's causing it and you can understand the underlying physiology of the disease.  When a psychiatrist sees someone with schizophrenia - they can't just say oh - take this anti-psychotic, have a brain biopsy and we'll know what to do.  They just don't know what will work.  There is no treatment for schizophrenia - just for psychosis, but there's a lot more to SZ than just the psychosis.


We were at the hospital today having our weekly visit with Dr. Lewis.  For the second time in three years he was actually on time.  No hour wait or anything.  Kit went in and I was knitting.   Another mom came over and commented on my knitting and we started gently talking about mental illness.  She asked - is Dr. Lewis a good doctor?  I said I hope so!!  Actually we are pretty sure he is as so many other doctors and mental health care professionals have spoken highly of him, but of course we don't know anyone else who has been to him. Not something people talk about!!  Not like you go to a cocktail party and ask anyone if they know a great psychiatrist.  Although you might ask around for a great orthopedic surgeon for your knee surgery!


When I went in at the end of Kit's visit to give my input into how he's doing this week I mentioned to him that Kit spends most of his time in bed.  He was surprised - I guess Kit told him he's not doing much - but he is really not doing anything.   For the past couple of visits Dr. Lewis has been encouraging Kit to try Lithium to see if it will help his depressive symptoms.  Each time Kit says no - he doesn't believe in any of the meds, blah, blah blah... same old story.  And inside I'm screaming - Just try it!!! Try anything!  Try to beat this stupid disease, don't just sit there all day!!!  Ah - no patience...  I want it to work RIGHT NOW.  But today Dr. Lewis told me Kit has decided to try the Lithium.  Wow.  He had the patience to just keep giving him the idea each week, telling him that it might help, and let him come to the decision on his own time.   I could learn something here...


Driving back from the appointment we stopped for a coffee - I was bursting inside with happiness that he is willing to try the lithium.  I hope it gives him some good feelings back, some desire to do more than hang in bed all day.  But maybe it won't.  Tomorrow morning he goes for some baseline blood work so that they can monitor the side affects of the lithium before he starts tomorrow night.  Then I'll need to be patient and see what happens.

Independence

Well things are kind of quiet right now.   Kit is still living in Adam's basement and hopefully that will last quite a while.  This past week Kit and I have spent some time in the Ontario Works and ODSP (Ontario Disability Support Plan) offices.  Kit applied for ODSP back in September but it takes a long time.  More than six months evidently.  In the meantime Kit has been getting a 'street allowance' which Ontario Works now calls a 'basic needs allowance' which is $227 a month.  Now that he has accommodation he has applied for a rent allowance and was approved in four days.  Very efficient.  Ontario Works will now pay most of his rent directly to Adam and Kit will still get his basic needs cheque which will be closer to $200.  Not bad considering we help him out if needed.  Then when his ODSP kicks in he'll get more for each expense.  

I have never been to the Ontario Work office.  We arrived last Monday at about 11:15 and there were only about three people there.  They looked like scruffy guys you'd see on the street, and like us were waiting for an appointment with their worker.  We were told that Kit's was out for lunch and to come back at 1:30.  Long lunch!   Lucky city workers!  So we went out for lunch to Il Fornello across from Metro Hall and enjoyed a delicious bite to eat and returned for 1:30.  There were a few more people there and by the time 2:00 rolled around it was packed.  Anyone who doesn't have their welfare cheques mailed directly comes to pick up the cheques at 2:00.  A security guard appeared and all the customers (90% men) were chatting with each other as if this is a monthly get together.  It was quite interesting listening to them catch up on their activities for the past weeks and their struggles with finding work and difficulties with their families.   Some stories were quite funny and others weren't so happy.  One young man walked in - looking very well kept - could have been working there, but wasn't.  He asked for his cheque and they told him he had the wrong day and he totally blew up swearing at the people behind the glass, and saying he was sick of being picked on as everyone else could get their money but him.  He was sick of the conspiracy against him.   Of course I have no right to diagnose, but he did sound quite like Kit at his worst.  I felt so sorry for him since he was so sure that he was told to come that day, and he felt like everyone was against him.  He said he promised he wouldn't be spending the money on meth like everyone else - so just give it to him.  The ladies behind the glass handled him so well, very kind, gentle and respectful despite his aggressiveness.   The security guard was called and the young man was removed.  Hopefully his cheque was available the next day.   And this happens every day.   All these people, out of work, maybe mentally, physically or emotionally ill, living off of $227 a month.   I can go through that in a few days without thinking about it...  How to stretch that out for one month must be a struggle.  No wonder so many work under the table - who would admit to earning another couple of hundred dollars if you were to lose that?  

As for Kit - he continues to hear voices all the time, and to believe we aren't really real people.  He can't work yet as he is too distracted and the meds are still making him so tired and lethargic.  He spends most of the day sleeping with occasional breaks to go out and have a cigarette.   He is learning some cooking skills and has been barbequeing most of his dinners.  Had a great steak dinner with Adam the other night!  

Thanks everyone for your support through all of this!  It means the world to me!