It's almost our second Christmas without Kit. It feels really no different than the first other than the fact that I know I've done this before and we can do it again. It doesn't feel any less painful to not buy him a present, to not write his name on the Christmas list, or to see things in the stores that he would like and not need to buy them. I'm not sure it will ever feel any different, every Christmas will just accentuate the fact that Kit isn't with us anymore.
Last night a friend asked me what I was going to do today and I told her that at some point I was going to go to decorate Kit's tree at his grave. She just said 'I can't imagine doing that or having that part of my Christmas.' I felt badly after, like I had made her feel sad. But it wasn't what I was looking for. For me his grave and tree are part of my life and I sometimes just feel like hanging out there, I forgot for a moment that for others it's just too scary to think about anyone decorating a tree at their sons grave. I was just thinking that if it was a nice day it would be a nice time to decorate it and that I feel good when it's done. I know Kit's not there, but it is a place I can make festive for him. If he's out there, he sees it and although he would be far more likely to hang out here than at his grave I know it would make him happy to see his resting spot cared for. Anyhow - it was a rainy dismal day and I was busy so I will go tomorrow. Yes - I will be sad there, but also glad to do something just for him. And don't be sad for me, Christmas is a time to be joyful. Feel free to come hang a decoration with me!
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Thursday, January 2, 2014
300 Days
I was just sitting at my computer looking at the website www.365Grateful.com which I think is really neat and an idea I would like to copy, and then I started looking up information on being grateful and ended up with a lot of blogs on gratitude. That made me think of this blog. I haven't written in so long. I have missed it, but when I come here to write I can't think of anything to write that doesn't end up with me missing Kit and being sad. So I thought today that although I'm so sad that Kit is not with me anymore I can still be grateful for all the other blessings in my life. And for sure I'm so grateful that Kit was with us for his 23+ years or 8,724 days.
It's interesting how a date like January 1st can mean so much. It's just another day, but it's the start of a new year. I don't generally make New Years resolutions (mostly because I can't keep them) but I do think each January 1st about what is to come and what has been. 2013 was a horrible year. Well the last 298 days of it anyways. I will always miss my beautiful boy but I think that in order to move forward I have to try to find ways to be grateful for what I have instead of being angry/sad at what I have lost. I am going to try to be more aware of those small blessings and moments of joy in my life. And maybe through that I can spread more joy to others.
Yesterday, January 1st I went to the new Ripley's Aquarium in Toronto with Robyn and Dave. It was awesome, but VERY crowded. Lots of families taking advantage of the holiday to spend time together somewhere warm. It was memorizing seeing all the fish swimming around. Big and little and every colour of the rainbow. We saw this beautiful dragon fish. What an amazing animal, so intricate and graceful.
Today we had two visitors. Lisah our niece came for lunch and we shared some hugs and love. Dave's oldest brother Bob came over unexpectedly and it is great to catch up and have him spend the night, and also we took the kids out for dinner tonight. Robyn's last dinner at home with us before she goes back to Old's for school.
I'm so grateful for family, for the love and support they have given me all my life and especially over the last 300 days. I'm grateful for all I've learned since then and hopefully through this blog and other ways I will be able to share some of that with others and move forward in a positive way.
It's interesting how a date like January 1st can mean so much. It's just another day, but it's the start of a new year. I don't generally make New Years resolutions (mostly because I can't keep them) but I do think each January 1st about what is to come and what has been. 2013 was a horrible year. Well the last 298 days of it anyways. I will always miss my beautiful boy but I think that in order to move forward I have to try to find ways to be grateful for what I have instead of being angry/sad at what I have lost. I am going to try to be more aware of those small blessings and moments of joy in my life. And maybe through that I can spread more joy to others.
Yesterday, January 1st I went to the new Ripley's Aquarium in Toronto with Robyn and Dave. It was awesome, but VERY crowded. Lots of families taking advantage of the holiday to spend time together somewhere warm. It was memorizing seeing all the fish swimming around. Big and little and every colour of the rainbow. We saw this beautiful dragon fish. What an amazing animal, so intricate and graceful.
Today we had two visitors. Lisah our niece came for lunch and we shared some hugs and love. Dave's oldest brother Bob came over unexpectedly and it is great to catch up and have him spend the night, and also we took the kids out for dinner tonight. Robyn's last dinner at home with us before she goes back to Old's for school. I'm so grateful for family, for the love and support they have given me all my life and especially over the last 300 days. I'm grateful for all I've learned since then and hopefully through this blog and other ways I will be able to share some of that with others and move forward in a positive way.
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