I'm not sure how to put this... I've always enjoyed going to funerals. Not all of them, but some are incredible. You get to learn so much about the person who died, about their life, personality, quirks and more. I don't remember my father's funeral at all (I was 10) and my mother kind of had two. One in Halifax where people we didn't even know came to share her with us, and then again in Toronto where our family was. If my memory is correct - we weren't planning to do anything in Halifax, but her colleagues and friends from there asked for something. It was remarkable hearing all about the working side of my mother that we knew really very little about. It warmed our hearts. The Toronto one was pretty traditional, and I don't remember too much about it other than I was overwhelmed. I've been to too many funerals, but some have been quite beautiful. My friends husband Jim Darling had a lovely funeral - I really didn't know him at all but after the funeral I felt I had a bit of a sense of him. Those are the ones that I enjoy - even though the loss of the person is horrible, the remembrance is beautiful.
Our funeral for Kit was remarkable. I know that because it felt so right. He wouldn't have wanted any religion or ceremony. He loved music and things not thought through very well. Which is what it was. My brother in law Peter was the MC and he did such an amazing job of it, feeling so awkward not wearing a jacket and tie, but doing so because Kit wouldn't have appreciated that. The music played as people came in - Queen, Van Halen, Pink Floyd and others. Perfect - just what he loved. And then the tributes. His cousins and sister singing a song they wrote for him. So lovely, he would have been so touched by it. I wish he could have been there to hear them sing and hear Robyn play the guitar for him. Katie speaking about Ender's Game and totally making it real for all of us who haven't read it. Clearly showing how Kit would have connected so strongly to this book. Robyn reading one of his writings and so incredibly giving everyone at the funeral a bit of an insight into what was going on in his head. Telling us about the talking birds and his struggles with reality. She gave everyone a taste of what schizophrenia had given Kit.
Then there were Ryan, Brendan and Eddie's eulogies. Remembering their friend from years ago when he hung out with them, did projects with them, went to Beavers, Cubs and Scouts with them, and played video games, watched movies, when to Six Flags in New York and of course talking about girls. They showed me what a good friend Kit was to them, how they valued his friendship and missed the old Kit when he got sick. They promised to remember him always and to stay a part of our families lives. I'm so glad of that - they are wonderful young men.
Adam made a most beautiful video tribute of Kit which I will try to post here after. He pulled together some amazing video footage of the three of them when they were little, my favourite part being when Kit has climbed to the top of a light pole in Niagara Falls and I told him to get down. He said 'it's good, it's sticky' and 'no one else can climb that high'. He said he was fine and was mad that I thought it was scary!!! And after the video lots of pictures of the family on our many travels across the country from coast to coast. All played to one of Kit's favourite songs - Bohemian Rhapsody - which we would sing together as a family often and loud. I will miss those times with Kit. He was so carefree and not worried about doing silly things in public.
After a very short visit to his grave to place his ashes in their hole and say a few words from Hamlet we went back to the visitation. I know there were so many people there, over 400, and I only got to talk to a few. Probably more than I remember, but I remember getting hijacked by people and chatting and then never even getting into the room where the people were. I wish I could have spoken with everyone. I missed so many. I'd like to do that all over again... with a clearer head. The same thing happened at the visitation, I was in a fog and didn't talk to as many as I would have liked to. I wanted to hear everyone's stories about Kit. Please share them with me if you haven't already...
The people who I have talked to after the funeral said it was a beautiful tribute to Kit. On one of our memory cards from a friend says he didn't know Kit till that day, but through all the memories we shared he felt he could know a bit of him. That's what we hoped for. We wanted everyone to know what kind of kid our beautiful boy was and have an idea of what could have been if his life hadn't been cut short so soon.
In two days, Covenant House - the shelter that Kit lived in when he was on the street is having a memorial for him. We aren't getting to plan much of it, but they will play our video to share with those that knew him as a young man what he was like as a child. Hopefully they will be able to recognize parts of Kit as a boy in who he was as an adult. But most importantly, everyone will go home with a memory of Kit and their lives will be just that little bit more richer for having met him.
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