Six Days. Who could have thought so much could change in so little time.
Friday November 21, 2008 I get a call from Kit in the morning saying he's coming home for the weekend. That he's messed up and can we pick him up. Sure honey, no problem, we'll be there in an hour.
When we arrive he's at the door ready to leave with nothing more than his t-shirt and jeans. We tell him we have to get his clothes and laundry. His room is a disaster, everything everywhere with a slight underlying odour of weed. Dave & I fell a bag full of laundry, two bags of garbage. Do a ton of dishes. He must have had every mug from the house in his room. There are at least ten empty red bull cans on the floor, garbage everywhere. Kit gets quite agitated, threatening me. We grab the last of the dishes, wash them and drive home.
The whole time I'm wondering - what happened to my little boy? How can my boy be such a mess? What did we do? Why can't things just go smoothly for my kids?
In the car he's telling us about the conspiracy against him. How all the second year students are trying to show him the faults he has just to help him. Random things like a truck passing with Jesus' name written in the dirt are messages meant for him. Seeing some guy Frank on the street was a message. He asks - are we in on it? Who are we talking to? Do I call his friends? Am I on Facebook? I try to reassure him that we have nothing to do with any of it, and there is probably no conspiracy. Of course there is he responds - we just can't listen/understand. All the way home this carries on - he's trying to explain how some song lyrics are meant for him and are part of the conspiracy. He tells us he gets totally shaky when he thinks about it and he is so agitated. Now we know there is a problem. We call his family doctor. He's busy, he'll call back. Kit's crying. We stop for a sub, he eats half and then is full. Oh - he is so thin. He must have lost ten pounds.
Anyhow we get to Toronto - go straight to the family Dr., hoping for some Ativan to calm him down. Dr. R says go to Emerg he can't see Kit. We head up to Sunnybrook. Kit asks why are we going to the hospital? Just to get you a prescription for some kind of anti-anxiety pill. You're having an anxiety attack. You need something to help you calm down so you can rest over the weekend. He seems to accept that. And that's ALL we thought we were going to the hospital for too. Once in emerge he asks why again. I answer again. Very simple. Let's get you some Ativan. One minute later - he asks again, I respond again. Very calmly, but I'm getting scared that he's sicker than I know. I just want that triage nurse to call our name.
Then Kit jumps up says he's getting out of here. I grab his sweater, tell him to stay. He bolts to the door. I call for help. I need him seen. The security guard grabs Kit and tells me to stay put. Tells me I'm scaring the patients. I tell her we need some attention. She says "Clearly YOU need attention" Kit tries to get away from her. He tells her I'm a sex offender and a child molester. I succumb to tears and fall back against the wall where I just sit down and cry. They take Kit away, they take me outside (a lovely nurse does) and back into a little room where she leaves me to find out about Kit. I call my sister. Dave is still parking the car. This has all happened in less than 10 minutes. Cathie is on her way. The nurse comes back, says Kit is in a quiet room, in restraints. The police have been called.
OMG - what is going on??? I wait, and wait... I don't really remember what happened next. At some point Dave arrives, Cathie arrives. We are now in the quiet room. Kit is in the 'safe' room. The cops tell us no problem. Look after your boy. No charges are to be laid. (evidently he assualted the security guard)
At some point the Dr. Macdonald? comes - tells us Kit is restrained, has been given some anti psychotics, this is some sort of thought process disorder under the schizophrenia umbrella. The world is gone. What happened? This is my little smart funny boy. He's got to be fine. It's just stress, drugs, anything. Please be anything else.
Somewhere along the line we have given family history etc. Cathie is right there, Thank God. I'm in a fog, but I know she'll get all the info. Kit is given a Form I. Has to stay in the hospital for 72 hours. Relief, worry. WHY???? We see him, arms and legs restrained in an awful room. Gillian the crisis nurse is lovely. Calm, reassuring but we know something is really wrong. We visit on and off all weekend. There are no beds in the psych ward till Monday. He is watched by a 'sitter' 24/7. They are all nice to him. On Sunday we get him to the shower. He is complying. He is no longer in restraints. Kit wants to come home but he can't. Dr. Moss? asks him if he will voluntarily go to the Youth psych ward. Kit reluctantly agrees and understands we just all need to find out what's going on. So he's up on F2. It's kind of okay but also pretty awful. Locked ward. Matthew walks around like a zombie. Chandler says 'Hey dude, what's your name? When's your birthday?' She pulls out a book on astrology so Kit can read about himself. She tells him he's so skinny. She wishes she were thin too. Anorexia? she is sweet and bubbly but KIt's not about to hone his social skills here. He said he thought it would be fun to check out the 'crazies' but I don't think he's having any fun.
Marg the nurse has shown us to his room. Given us the package. Schedule, rules. I want to take Kit's hand and walk him right outta there. Dave arrives. We chat, we leave Kit to do his thing there. We'll bring him back some stuff. He goes to have lunch with the other kids. The next day they think he is compliant enough to give him a bracelet that means he can leave the ward with parents or staff. Dr. Teshima sees him. Orders tests - EEG & CT scan.
Tuesday night he thinks it would be fun to try to escape. He says he went to the nurses offices, knocked and ran back to his room and hid in the closet. Hoping they would go down the hall to open the door and he would run out. They found him in the closet, gave him some Loxapine and put him to bed.
Wednesday we bring him cookies and let him shave and took him out for a hospital walk. He was funny, psychotic and easy. We brought him back where later he tried to wear a hospital gown over his clothes to try to escape as a patient.
That's all I wrote... I can feel all those feelings again when I read/write them. He's back in the same place now - just the adult ward - not youth ward. His room in emerg was the same one this time as last. Must be the 'special' room. Hard to believe that it's been three years since then...
I'll continue at another time...
I'll continue at another time...
No comments:
Post a Comment